Marriages always depend on the woman’s willingness to stay
and overcome the inevitable setbacks that occur in every union. Looking back on my own marriage, I realise,
that I could have walked out after one week.
Or maybe, I might have baled out after one year. Every woman I know might have the same story,
if truth be told.
In my own case, I have noticed, it is the little things that
irritate the most. The ritual with the
pillows every night, fluffing already fluffed up pillows while muttering under
his breath, has often awoken previously unknown homicidal tendencies in me.
We have weathered a lot of very serious problems in our
forty-six years of marriage. I really
think it was my compromising nature that saved this partnership; I have this
philosophy, courtesy of Garth Brook, I could have missed the pain, but I’d have
had to miss the dance.
I look at my children, and think; if I had left that year I
wouldn’t have that child, and so on. I have
often wondered, is he the wrong partner?
I still don’t know. We are still
in love. Broken vows? Maybe, I don’t
know. I kept my vows, if he didn’t, I
have no idea.
Is it change that causes marriage break-up? I don’t think so. Change is inevitable and healthy in a
marriage. I am not the person my husband
married, and he is not the man I wed all those years ago. In some ways, I think this is a good thing. I am a better person, I believe, than the
shallow person I was forty-six years ago.
And certainly, he is more attractive to me, than the callow youth I
Apart from marital violence, the marriage is most likely to
survive, if the woman wants it to.
Statistics gathered in Ireland after the fairly recent divorce laws,
have shown that men are reluctant to end a marriage, even an unhappy one unless
they are spurred on by a new partner.
I realise, looking back over my story, that the modern woman
might not honour the vows they took, as women of my age would. I believe they might be throwing something
precious away, if they go to the divorce courts at the first sign of
trouble. If your husband is not violent,
think again. I often have often hated
my husband at certain stages in our life; as I am sure he has often hated me, but
we came through to happiness, in some cases weeks later, don’t make the divorce
lawyers rich. Think of your ordinary
relationships. Do you change your mind
about things every few days? Give your
marriage the same chance.